We are all wrong sometimes.
This is a fact. But considering this is a fact, why is everyone so sure they're right? Why does it feel like no one can admit they might be wrong about anything anymore?
I feel like it wasn't like this in the past. Or maybe it was, and I just notice it more now. Either way, I've been trying to figure out why it feels this way.
The number one reason: social media. We're being bombarded with content that strengthens our opinions. Content that makes us believe even more strongly that the other side is wrong, illogical, crazy. The algorithm is so smart. It knows exactly what we want to see. And what we want to see, it turns out, is proof that we're right.
There's this theory in psychology called confirmation bias. It means that once we have an opinion about something, we can't really see any new information objectively. We filter everything through what we already believe. So if you think one way about politics, or parenting, or health, or anything, every piece of content you see gets interpreted to support what you already think. The stuff that agrees with you? Makes perfect sense. Obviously true. The stuff that disagrees with you? Clearly wrong. How can people be so stupid?
But the interesting thing, as I see it, is that this doesn't just happen with politics or public issues. It happens in our personal lives too. With your husband. Your kids. Your friends. We keep that same tendency of being so sure we're right and not being able to step into the other person's shoes and see their perspective.
Your husband isn't being completely unreasonable. Some women will say he is, but he's not. So how come you think so often that his point of view is so illogical? How can he think that? Your friend isn't an idiot. Your adult child isn't completely clueless. But we act like they are when they disagree with us.
Another thing people forget. Our opinions and behaviors are highly affected by forces we don't even realize. Our life experience. What we saw at home growing up. The chemicals in our brain. The things we're going through right now.
Pressure from work can lead to a more uptight, defensive approach to everything. Being angry with a friend can leak into how you talk to your husband that night. Even being more tired today can make you less patient, more reactive, more sure you're right when maybe you're not. We're all just walking around with our own invisible backpacks full of stuff that's shaping how we see everything. And we forget that everyone else has their backpack too.
So what can we do with this? What can we do next time we feel that force of disagreement rising up?
Three practical tools:
1. Breathe and don't answer impulsively. Just pause. Even for three seconds. That's it. Just don't react immediately.
Breath
2. Think about the other person's perspective. Not to agree with them necessarily. Just to understand why they might think that way. What's in their backpack that's making them see it differently than you?
3. Think, "Hey, maybe I'm not 100% right?" None of us is Albert Einstein. And I'm pretty sure even he doubted himself sometimes. Because that's real wisdom. Knowing you might be wrong.
If people were more receiving and accepting of each other, it would create a wave. A wave of a better world. Less fights. More peace.
Isn't that the point?
Read ‘Live Within’ past editions here
Forwarded this email? Join 10,000+ other readers here.
Join the Live Within community here - connect with others on the same path, share what's on your mind, and support each other through the ups and downs. Anonymity is always an option.
Tell us what you want to read about - quick survey here
Who in your life would appreciate you sending this email to?