The only New Year's goals that matter

Every January, we set the same goals.

Lose weight. Make more money. Get promoted. Hit some number that's supposed to change everything.

And by February, most of us have given up.

Not because we're weak. Not because we lack discipline.

But because we're chasing the wrong things.

I've been listening to a lot of podcasts lately. Trying to figure out what actually matters. What goals are worth setting.

And I keep coming back to this conversation with Arthur Brooks. He's a Harvard professor who studies happiness, and he said something that's been stuck in my head for weeks.

The goals we typically set, money, achievement, status, weight loss, don't lead to lasting happiness.

They lead to what he calls the arrival fallacy. The belief that when you get there, everything will be better.

But it never is.

You lose the weight and realize you still don't feel good about yourself. You make the money and need more. You get the thing you wanted and wonder why it doesn't feel like you thought it would.

Because those goals were never the point.

So what goals should we be setting?

Arthur Brooks says there are four goals that actually lead to happiness. Four goals that, the more you have of them, the better off you are.

Faith. Family. Friendship. Work that serves others.

And I know that sounds different from the typical New Year's resolution list.

But the more I think about it, the more these feel like the only goals worth having.

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Goal 1: Faith

Faith doesn't mean religion.

It means having a reason things happen. A framework for making sense of your life.

Most of us never think about this. We just react to whatever comes next.

But when you have some sense of why things happen, even hard things start to make sense. Life feels less random. Less chaotic.

It can be a set of principles you believe in. A moral foundation. A philosophy.

But without it, life feels like one damn thing after another.

This year's goal: What do I believe? What's my framework for understanding my life?

Goal 2: Family

Family means the people closest to you.

Not perfect relationships. Not Instagram moments.

Real, messy, complicated relationships with the people you're tied to.

And most of us take them for granted. We assume they'll always be there. We put them last because everything else feels more urgent.

But people who actually invest in family, who make it a priority, are happier. Not just in the moment. Over the long term.

Because family gives you something success never will. A sense of belonging. A place where you matter just because you exist.

This year's goal: How will I grow closer to my family?

Goal 3: Friendship

Friendship means deep, real connection.

Not acquaintances. Not people you see occasionally. Not social media connections.

Real friends. The kind who know you. Who you can call when things fall apart. Who show up.

And this is hard for a lot of us. Especially as we get older. We have contacts but few real friends.

But loneliness is one of the biggest predictors of unhappiness. And the solution isn't more people. It's deeper connection with the people who matter.

This year's goal: How will I have deeper friendships this year?

Goal 4: Work that serves others

Work that serves others means finding meaning in what you do.

Not just earning money. Not just staying busy.

Finding a way to make what you do about something bigger than yourself.

This doesn't mean you have to change careers. It means asking, how does what I do help someone else?

(spoiler alert - my next email will be about this topic and how we are actually moving in the wrong direction)

When your work is just about you, it never feels like enough.

When it's about serving others, even in small ways, it starts to feel meaningful.

And meaning is what makes work satisfying. Not the money. Not the achievement. The sense that what you're doing matters.

This year's goal: How will I take my work and find it more meaningful by serving other people?

These are the goals.

Not weight. Not money. Not achievement.

These four.

Faith. Family. Friendship. Work that serves others.

And here's what makes these different from typical resolutions.

These goals don't have an end point.

You can't "finish" being a good friend or parent. You can't "complete" finding meaning in your work.

And that's the point.

These aren't destinations. They're directions.

They're not about arriving somewhere. They're about how you live every day.

So this year, these are my resolutions.

And the question I'm asking myself is, what will I do this year to grow in each of these four areas?

Not perfectly. Not massively. Just one step forward in each direction.

What about you?

Faith. How will you grow your sense of why things happen?

Family. How will you grow closer to the people you love?

Friendship. How will you deepen your friendships?

Work. How will you make your work more meaningful by serving others?

Those are your New Year's resolutions.

That's a year worth living.

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