Stop saying yes when you want to say no

How many times this week did you say yes to something you didn't want to do?

A favor. A commitment. A phone call. A plan.

You said yes because it felt easier than saying no. Because you didn't want to disappoint anyone. Because you're supposed to be helpful, flexible, kind.

And now you're stretched thin. Doing things you don't actually want to be doing.

I did this for years. Still catch myself doing it sometimes.

But recently, a few friends wanted to grab drinks. And I just... didn't feel like it. It was one of those days where all I wanted was to stay home, make my comforting pasta, and watch Severance (highly recommended, by the way).

So I said no.

Not "maybe next time" or a long explanation. Just - I'm going to stay in tonight.

And you know what? The world didn't end.

I thought they'd be disappointed. I imagined them sitting at the bar talking about how I flaked. But no one cared that much. They had their fun. I had mine.

That's the thing we forget: when you say no, people move on. They don't sit around analyzing your decision. They just... continue.

And I felt lighter. Like I'd given myself permission to actually want what I want.

Now, I'm not saying you should say no to everything.

Sometimes saying yes is important. It opens doors. It leads to connections you didn't expect. It pushes you to try things you wouldn't have chosen on your own.

Saying yes can be brave. It can be generous. It can be exactly what you need.

But when every yes is automatic - when you're saying yes because you're afraid to say no - that's different.

Here's what you gain when you start saying no:

Your yes actually means something. When you say yes, people know you mean it. Your word has weight.

You have energy for what matters. Instead of being stretched thin across a dozen things you don't care about, you can show up fully for the things you do.

You respect yourself. Every time you honor your own limits, you're telling yourself: I matter. My time matters. My peace matters.

Your relationships get better. Honesty doesn't damage relationships. Resentment does. When you say no honestly, you avoid the slow build of bitterness that comes from always saying yes.

So here's what to try next time someone asks you for something:

The 24-Hour Rule:

Never say yes immediately. Say: "Let me check my schedule and get back to you." (It’s just for the experiment, don’t start saying that all the time, it’s pretty annoying…)

Even if your schedule is wide open. Even if you know the answer is probably yes.

This gives you time to check in with yourself. To ask: Do I actually want to do this? Or am I just afraid to say no?

Practice with something small.

Next time someone asks you for something minor - a favor, a plan, a commitment - pause. Take a breath.

And if you don't want to do it, say no.

It will feel uncomfortable. You might feel guilty. That's normal.

But notice what happens after. Notice the space you've created. Notice how it feels to honor yourself.

You're allowed to say no.

You're allowed to have limits.

You're allowed to take care of yourself - even if it disappoints someone else.

That's not selfish. It's necessary.

This week, try it:

One no. Just one. See how it feels.

P.S. - If you haven't filled out the quick survey I sent, I'd really appreciate it. It helps me know what content to focus on. Takes 30 seconds.

Who in your life could use a pause today?