How to stop comparing yourself to others

You're not comparing yourself to real people.

You're comparing yourself to highlight reels, curated moments, and things people want you to think are true.

That person on Instagram with the perfect morning routine? She also has a ring light, three failed takes, and probably scrolled for 20 minutes before actually starting her day.

That friend who "has it all together"? They're probably looking at someone else thinking the same thing.

Comparison is exhausting. And it's rigged.

Because you're measuring your messy, unfiltered reality against everyone else's carefully edited version.

Here's why your brain does this:

Psychologist Leon Festinger called it "social comparison theory."

Your brain uses other people as measuring sticks. It's evolutionary. Thousands of years ago, knowing where you stood in the group meant survival.

But here's the problem: you're measuring your insides against everyone else's outsides.

You see their vacation. You don't see the credit card bill.

You see their promotion. You don't see the 60-hour weeks.

You see their relationship. You don't see the argument they had that morning.

The math doesn't work. You can't win a game with invisible rules.

There are two types of comparison:

Upward comparison: Looking at people "ahead" of you. This one makes you feel inadequate.

Downward comparison: Looking at people "behind" you. This one makes you feel superior (but still empty).

Neither one makes you feel good long-term.

Because comparison isn't really about them. It's about how you feel about yourself.

Here's the truth:

That person you're jealous of? They're probably jealous of someone else.

Everyone's playing the same exhausting game of "not enough."

You're comparing your Chapter 3 to someone else's Chapter 20. Different book. Different story.

And the person you're envying might be looking at your life thinking, "I wish I had that."

Scrolling through all the people with better life than me

So how do you actually stop?

1. The "so what" test

When you catch yourself comparing, ask: "So what?"

So what if they have a nicer house? Will this matter in a year? In five years?

Most of the time, the answer is no.

This simple question interrupts the spiral.

2. The full picture exercise

Think about what you DON'T see.

That perfect body? You don't see the hours at the gym or the meals they skip.

That career success? You don't see the sacrifices or the stress.

That happy relationship? You don't see the work it takes or the hard conversations.

When you fill in the missing pieces, the comparison loses its power.

3. Redirect the energy

Instead of asking "Why don't I have that?" ask "Do I actually want that?"

Do you want their life? Or do you just want the highlight?

Because if you took their entire day, their routine, their sacrifices, would you actually trade?

Most of the time, the answer is no.

4. The gratitude flip

Name three things in YOUR life that someone else might envy.

Your health. Your freedom. Your quiet morning. Your close friend. Your ability to walk to the park. Your time to read this awesome newsletter (:

Someone out there is looking at your life wishing they had what you have.

You just can't see it because you're too busy looking elsewhere.

5. Unfollow ruthlessly

If someone makes you feel bad every time you see them, unfollow.

It's not mean. It's self-care.

You don't need to expose yourself to things that drain you.

Protect your peace. Curate your feed like you'd curate your living room. Only let in what feels good.

Here's what helped me most:

When I catch myself comparing, I literally say out loud: "Different path."

That's it. Just those two words.

It reminds me that we're not on the same journey. We're not even playing the same game.

Their success doesn't take away from mine. Their happiness doesn't diminish mine.

There's enough for everyone.

The deeper truth:

Comparison is really about self-worth.

You don't need to be better than anyone. You just need to be okay with who you are.

The person you're comparing yourself to? They're not your competition. They're on a completely different path with different goals, different struggles, different timing.

You're exactly where you need to be right now.

Not behind. Not ahead. Just here.

I still compare myself to people. Probably always will.

But now I catch it faster. I redirect quicker. I remember that what I'm seeing isn't the full story.

And that makes all the difference.

Who do you catch yourself comparing to most? And what would happen if you stopped?

Reply and tell me.

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